Friday, August 23, 2013

My Two Blind Dates-Date Two

Date One is here.

As I was saying before men have told me that I have a sexy phone voice.  If you move ahead in time a couple of years from the previous post, now I'm back in my hometown working in advertising at our local paper.  I had been there a few months and one day answered the phone to take an ad for a new doctor in town.  He gave me the layout and information and I was chatting and laughing with him all the while.  I told him I would send the ad for his approval and told him to call if he needed to make any changes.  I didn't think anymore about it and went about my day.

When I came back from lunch there was a message on my desk and my co-worker was all excited.  (I can't remember his name so Im just gonna call him Doc)  He approved the ad with her but asked her to have me call him on a personal matter.  We were all giggly and highly impressed he was a doctor and an ob-gyn to boot.  We speculated that he had some special knowledge or tricks up his sleeve.

Well I calmed down and called him back and he thanked me for the ad, told me he liked it, and that he had enjoyed chatting with me.  He told me I had a lot of "verve"  in my voice and  that he would like to take me to dinner and get to know me.  He had just moved here and hadn't met anyone yet.  I said yes, of course, thinking a doctor probably wasn' t an axe murderer.  We exchanged numbers and he called later in the week to set the day and time.

On the appointed day he picked me up and we headed south to a larger city with more dining and entertainment options.  A fellow doctor had recommended a restaurant downtown and it was rather nice.  We chatted and got to know each other on the way but I kept noticing a disturbing habit.  He kept sticking out his tongue and licking his lips obscenely.  All I could think was "I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in the stirrups with him doing that!"

We made our reservation on time and got seated and ordered a drink.  We chatted a bit more and I could tell he was nervous.  He was telling me me about growing up in NYC  and medical school and his stint in Africa with Doctors Without Borders.  While relating all this he was continuing to pull and lick his lips.  Finally disgusted, I excused myself to the restroom.  Back then I smoked but stupidly I had only one cigarette with me that night.  I fired it up knowing this was probably my only date with Doc.  Oh how I wished I'd saved that last fag for later!

We ordered dinner and a bottle of wine.  Things improved slightly after that and we had a nice meal.  After dinner he asked if I liked jazz and if I knew of a jazz club in town.  Now this is a good size Southern city and there may have been a jazz club in town but I sure as hell didn't know where it was.  Now if he wanted to go line dancing at a country & western bar, he was in the right place!   We were next door to the newest, hottest club in town and I tried to convince him to go there but he wanted a quieter place.  The only thing I could suggest was  the club for the "older" set across town.

I'm not usually directionally challenged but for some reason when I go to this town, I get lost every.single.time.  I had no clue how to get from downtown to the mall area where the club was so I asked someone on the street.  We got to the car and got headed in the right direction.  We were headed to a high-rise hotel so it should be easy to spot when we got in the area and it was.  The problem was every street we tried to take was the wrong direction one way or led us in the opposite direction.  We had drove for about a half hour when he sarcastically thanked me for leading him on "a wild goose chase."  I quickly pointed out the exit to the interstate and said "if he felt that way, then he just needed to take me home right now."

Now he had not driven like a complete maniac on the way down but I guess he figured the bloom was off the rose on this night and wanted it to end as fast as I did.  I yelled at him to slow down.  He had to slam on the brakes to get off on the exit we needed.  I warned him that he wasn't on the interstate anymore and that he really needed to cut it out.  Sure enough not 5 minutes later, we hear sirens and blue lights behind us.  I tried not to smirk and say "told ya so."  I silently handed him his registration from the glove compartment.

The officer walks up to his window and they talk for a few minutes.  I'm sitting in the seat silently fuming just wanting this hellish date over!  Suddenly Doc gets out of the car and walks behind it with the officer.  I turn around and my mouth drops open as I realize they are giving him a field sobriety test.  WTF!  We only had 2 glasses of wine with dinner and that was hours ago.  Certainly I was stone-cold sober at that point.  My eyes got bigger as I watched them cuff him and walk him to the police car.  Now I'm starting to panic!

We had cell phones then but they were the big clunky ones and used mostly for emergencies back then and this felt like an emergency to me but my Mom had the phone.  The officer walked back to me and let me know they had arrested my date for DUI.  I asked him if I could drive Doc's car home and he told me he could smell wine on my breath too so I quickly nixed that idea.  He told me I could ride with them to the police station and call someone to come pick me up.  I started thinking who to call and realized my closest friends were all out of town that weekend!  I tried a few people but they were out having a much better time than I!  I hung my head and called the one person I didnt want mother.

So I made the call and the line was busy.  Damn dial up internet!  So I called my neighbor and mom's best friend and asked her to pretty please get out of bed, drive to Mom's and please ask her to come pick up her daughter at the police station!  Mom immediately called me back and I explained where I was and why.  I went outside to wait and looked in my purse for a cigarette and oh smokes!

My mom gets there and I go back inside to make sure it's OK to leave.  The officer comes out and tells me the Doc is being taken to a magistrate for arraignment or whatever.  About that time they bring Doc out and I can see he is clearly mortified.  The officer explains that he will be released that night or in the morning.  The officer suggests that he still not drive after he's released.  That's when it hits me the Doc doesn't have a way to get back to his car. I tell him my mom is here and that we'll wait and take him home.  The officer tells us we can follow him to the magistrate.

We sit in the car and I tell her about dinner and the events of that night.  It was pretty late or early at this point and we try to sleep.  Finally he comes out and we take him back to his car, him apologizing profusely and telling me he should have listened and slowed down.  Ya think!  I drive him home with Mom following and get out to give him his keys.  He again apologizes and OH NO HE DIDN'T leans as if to kiss me!  I put his keys in his hand and get in mom's car.  Along the way I beg her to stop so I can finally get some cigarettes.  We get breakfast too and after smoking about half the pack I finally go to bed.

Much later I would learn that licking and pulling the lips is a sign of withdrawal from drug use.  I knew he couldn't be drunk from dinner!  So that was my blind date with the druggie ob-gyn and of course I had bragged to all my friends I was going out with a doctor.  So I got to eat my fair share of crow, too.

Well those are my experiences.  Please feel free to share your own in the comments.  Have a good weekend!


  1. I too, had a similarly disastrous date with a doctor once. I wish it had been a dinner date though, ours was a sex date. There was no second date ;)
    Funny post :)

  2. (absolutely speechless....)

    Just wow!!!

  3. Wow. What else is there to say??

    Just wow.

    (I'm sorry?). Wow.

  4. The best part is that he had to be thinking something like "she's never had as exciting a night as this! She'll be begging me to take her ou again. I'm gonna get a kiss!"

  5. My worst blind date was with a minister. My minister set it up. I was not interested in him sexually but he misunderstood everything I said as if I was! When he picked me up, he asked to use the facilities. I pointed both ways and said, "There's one in the guest room and one in my room." He frowned and said he was not that kind of boy. WTF? I stared at him blankly until I realized he thought I meant, "Let's go to my bedroom!" NO! It went on through dinner until I finally had to be blunt, say that I was not interested in him that way and he could stop judging me. He looked at me patronizingly and said, "Every woman wants me and you're no different, stop protesting." Wow... could not get away from that one fast enough!