Monday, June 30, 2014


I found the cure for thinking about sex "too" much.  WATERPARKS!!!!!  All you think about there is death, torture and destruction.  Yours and everyone else's.  Screaming kids, yelling parents (and I'm ashamed to say I was one of them during an "episode" with my niece), kids pushing you out of their way.  Worse--adults pushing you out of the way.  Rowdy, stupid teenagers roughhousing in the wave pool and the list could go on and on.

But certainly not my kids(niece and nephew)...they were perfect little devils....ummmm angels.  (To their extreme credit, they uttered not a word on the way home while I was navigating Waterpark City's rush hour traffic.) The incidents passed and everyone had a great time while enjoying perfect weather--84 and sunny..when it was forecast to be in the 90's today!  I texted Rob that I was "gonna need a carton of cigarettes and a gallon of vodka when I got"   All in all, it turned out well.  Good start to the vacation.  One good thing, kids exhausted and in bed BEFORE 8 o'clock.

P.S.  My preferred mode of transportation: lazy river!

P.P.S.  Thank you very much for your thoughts on my post today.  A lot of you contacted me off the blog to let me know that apparently I'm "normal.  Ha!  What the hell do y'all know!?  LOL.  Again thanks so much.

Too Much?

I think about sex A LOT.  I mean like ALL THE TIME.  When I get up in the morning, I run to my tablet to read all your wonderful blogs, check out Tumblr, check my email at all my various addresses to see if I got a message from the hot new guy.  When I get home from work, the same thing.  When I'm not reading blogs, I'm reading sex forums (, etc).  I'm constantly in chat rooms talking with guys at night. (sexy chat, anyone?)  Usually it's the same 2 or 3 guys that I've been chatting with for awhile...or the hot new guy  They aren't geographically close and we are actually "friends".  I talk with other bloggers on occasion too and I really enjoy those relationships.  And poor Rob gets constantly bombarded by my thoughts during the day (not just about sex but any mundane thing I think of...sorry hun).

Is it because I'm single and not getting any regularly?  Is it just the hormonal "sexual peak" that supposedly hits women in their 40's?  What is it?  Maybe I'm just super horny because it's been awhile (4 months..eek!!) But when I do get some, I find I want it even MORE.  I never seem to be satisfied.  I'm a nympho-wannabe. I use discretion and I'm NOT just going to pick up anyone.  I have standards and they are good ones. I'm never going to be the girl sitting at the bar alone just looking to pick up anyone that walks by.  I'm absolutely positive that I could get laid every night if I wanted that.  

This can't be "normal"-- whatever that is.  I feel like a horny 17 year old boy.  Is this a sexual addiction?  I'm not acting on it.  But am I a sex addict of a sort?  Does everyone (in the sex blogosphere?  I know the real world doesn't do this) think about sex this much?  I mean this isn't interrupting my work or other aspects of my life.  I do my job and do it well.  But even there Sex is never far off my brain!  I masturbate regularly and that does ease some of the "pressure". Is this a result of living in a sexually repressed (Bible belt) culture yet constantly being bombarded with sexual imagery?

I didn't use to be like this.  In fact some of my friends thought I was a total prude.  This has been a relatively recent development.  Honestly, it started 2 years not that recent.  I was always curious and positive about sex and enjoyed it, of course.  But now it's constantly on my mind.  Is this a result of my gaining self-confidence and just feeling more sexual and sexy?  In the real world, I don't seem to attract men that easily (and I don't know why) but online I'm a superstar (in my mind).

Maybe I'm overthinking this (duh..I overthink everything!).  I'm sure a lot of men are thinking "gee, why can't my wife be like this?" and women too with their husbands.  I would really like some feedback on this.  I would love to hear any insight or your feelings or remarks on this in the comments.  I'm beginning to think I need some serious help.  And a good hard fuck!    

EDIT: After I wrote this, I realized this is posting on my one year anniversary.  I'm kind of glad.  I put a lot of thought into this post and finally was able to write coherently about it.  I do have a "celebration" post planned later in the week.  Thanks in advance for any comments, questions, etc.  Oh and if you want to email me, feel free to do that too.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

A Cool Change

Tomorrow is a pretty big day at ye olde Simple N Sexy blog.  So I thought I would take the time and do a little redecorating so to speak.  I never was thrilled with the original template but it worked.  This one feels more like me.  I like it. A lot!

Last week was unreal.  By Friday afternoon I honestly thought my head would explode.  I don't recall a time I had so many positive and negative thoughts going on all at once.  I was (and am still) a jumbled mess of emo!  Thankfully I am on vacation all next week and will have time to gather my thoughts.  I've done a lot of writing this weekend and that always helps.

I also want to say how very happy I am for Rob and his latest adventure.  I was very shocked to receive his text the other night.  And then I was very pissed when he teased  He really had no idea how close to death he was!  I was thrilled when he agreed to call and talk it out with me.  It was wonderful to hear his voice.  I'm so glad this was such a positive experience for him.

The "Shaping Up" plan is going well.  I'm down 8lbs now and only 2 away from my 4th of July goal of losing 10.  It's good to know that I've done it before and I WILL do it again!  Losing weight, I mean.   It's funny once I get my head straight and get determined, the weight seems to fall off.  Getting my head straight is the hardest part by far.

I'm working hard for this body and it's way past time to put it to good use!  And I may have the chance this week while I'm off.  I've mentioned briefly that I've been chatting with a hot new guy.  (For some reason I'm having a hard time thinking of a name for him here so I think I'm going with HNG).  He is very attractive and has opened the door to a very titillating possibility.   I hope we get the chance to meet.  So far its been fun and very hot.

Well, I'm off to the pool.  Hope you're having as good a weekend as I am!

And she walks off singing "Vacation's all I ever wanted.  Vacation have to get away!"

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Are They Better?

The other day Rob and I were chatting and realized that next week would be the 1 year anniversary of our 1st hookup.  We both then began reading back in our blogs recalling fond memories (ummmm bent over a chair in the office..being fucked from behind..sorry got distracted).  This led to what I thought was a pretty hilarious chat.  I thought it was funny and I hope it doesn't turn out to be an "I guess you had to be there" post.  As an aside Rob and I are no longer hooking up but remain good friends.

Rob: Oh I checked my blog...our first date was July 8 last year.

Me: Wow. A year ago.

Rob: Yep, hehe

Me: OK now I gotta go read both our posts

Rob: I'm re-reading a bunch of mine from last summer, lol.

Me: That was a good summer :)

Rob: Yep :)

(a little later on) Me: OK I gotta stop reading blog posts and looking at your pix.  Otherwise I might drive to xyz and attack!  lol

Rob: Rofl

Me: Plus someone gave me cucumbers and they're sitting on my desk...And all I can think is "are cucumbers better than men?" Lmao!!

Rob: Now there's a picture I'm getting in my with a cucumber :D

(a little while later I text him back after driving to my Mom's for lunch--giggling all the way)

Me: I'm not fucking a cucumber and sending you pix!  Lol  Altho one is kind of girthy...and the other has the gspot

Me: I just keep picturing getting busted and my Mom saying "eat your veggies..don't fuck em" lol

Rob: reason you can't do both.

(Pic sent of the cukes--actual one is above)

Later that night I went back to my Mom's for dinner and of course I had given the cukes to her.  We had lasagna and a salad.  I was giggling again when I asked my Mom to "Pass the cucumbers, please."

Hope you enjoyed the little anecdote as much as I did.
I thought I'd give a little update too about a few things.  The "getting in shape" finally seems to be paying off. I've lost 5 lbs and I've been walking just about every night for a few miles.  I know I've lost inches and my clothes are fitting looser. I just wish I was seeing more results on the scale.  But I'm not getting discouraged and I'm pretty determined to knock off those pounds.

Plus I have some pretty good inspiration to keep working out.  I've been chatting with the hottest guy the last few days.  I'm pretty excited about it.  Dontcha love NRE!! He's not in my town but fairly close by.  Close enough that we can meet in the middle anyway.  Next week I am on vacation but not going out of town so this means we are working hard on setting something up.  I set myself a goal next week.  To get laid or die trying!  Of course, I'll proceed with caution and the usual safety arrangements (meet in public, text a friend, etc).  It's the 4th of July and I need some fireworks!!

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Toes in the Sand

First and foremost let me wish all the blog fathers out there a very Happy Father's Day!   I miss my Dad very much.  He looked so big and tough but was a total teddy bear...he had such a tender heart.  Love and miss ya so much!

This will be kind of a "random thoughts" post.  I know I haven't written much lately but it's been so crazy since I went back to work.  I seem to have a life again!  :)

> I had so much fun at the beach!  It was a family trip so no shenanigans as expected.  It was very relaxing and I definitely enjoyed all the eye candy on the beach.  There was the usual assortment of hot 20-somethings but I found my eye was still drawn to the late-30s-early-50 something MEN.  They are just so hot, confident and super SEXY!

> is imPOSSIBLE to get a bottle of vodka in MB after 7pm on Sat!!!

>Normally I'm so sad leaving the ocean but this time..I will be HOME ALONE for 4 nights!  Peace and quiet at last.  I love, love, love  the Brown Eyed Girl (niece) and my Lil Man (nephew) but just gimme a break!

> On other fronts it's been kind of a bad week.  A trip I was very much anticipating didn't happen.  I got the brush off from 2 other guys.  And rt now I hope I get laid again!  Eek!  I know it's usually feast or famine but this dry spell seems especially long!

> I totally need a spa day.  Hair cut & colored.  Nails & toes done.  Full body massage.  I really want Crash from Bull Durham to tie me to the bed and paint my nails...ooh and shave me bare :).

> I went to the pool today and there was actual eye candy!  I found myself staring at this one hot guy.  Fit, bald but owning it..shaved..I love that!, tan , big broad shoulders, trim waist.   His GF was there..but I think he might be the picture of my fantasies for a bit.

OK enough randomness.  For the record.I'm horny and need to get laid!  Soonest!  HELP!

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Cruisin' On Ocean Boulevard

That will be me this weekend.  Well honestly probably not.  But I WILL be in Myrtle Beach!  I can't wait.  I definitely need a road trip.  Recently Ryan Beaumont of AM Adventures et al and his friend Victoria posted their "visitors guide" and I highly recommend you check it out.  I've been to a lot of those places and they are all great.  This will be a family trip for me so I do not expect to have any amorous misadventures but I can still look at all the eye candy.

People watching at the beach is so much fun!  I get my Cosmo magazine and park my sunglasses just above the top and watch to my heart's content.  Plus everyone else around me is doing the same and it's so fun to hear that everyone else is thinking the same thing I am.  "Why the hell is a 400lb woman wearing a bikini on the beach?"  Yes I know that's so bad and judgmental but I can be a snarky bitch.  And yeah the guys still wearing the Speedo "banana slings" just ew in my little humble opinion.  And why do they always have a hairy back!!  But then the 20-something hottie walks by kicking a soccer ball and you can literally see all the women on the beach sit up a little straighter. It's even more fun watching the men and their wives when the barely legal girls stroll thru.  He's trying hard to avoid drooling and his wife is fuming at him.

My family has been going to Myrtle Beach since I was 13.  Ryan is quite right when he states that it is a "rite of passage" for the kids of our area to go there and sow some wild oats.  Thankfully I grew up in the pre-cell phone/social media/YouTube age or I fear quite a few of my beach exploits would be exposed.  My most memorable trip saw me off from home perfectly healthy and 3 days later I was coming home in 2 casts following an operation.  A car wreck.  Ironically exactly 10 years later on the very same day I was involved in yet another guessed it..on my way to Myrtle Beach.

MB is touristy, over-crowded, expensive and traffic-filled during the summer but still I love it.  I have so many wonderful memories there.  I was sitting on the deck of my oceanfront room with the bright light of a full moon shining in, the night I signed the contract to buy my 1st house.  I remember settling back in my chair, toasting the moon and feeling like a grown up for the 1st time.  I think all I need is an ocean to make me happy.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Find Me

I absolutely love this.  Yes please.  Someone come find me.