The omniscient "they" say it takes 10,000 hours of repetition to become an expert at something. That seems like a lot! What have I done for 10,000 hours...well work probably and I am really excellent at my job (which I've actually managed to keep for a whole year now. GO ME!) What else? Sleep maybe? I wish I felt like I'd ever had that much sleep--especially lately. What on earth could I possibly be called an expert at?
Hmmmm...and there are those with so-called "natural" talents. Those just born knowing how to do something well. Or seemingly so..those graceful ballerinas, ice skaters, hoopsters and footballers do spend easily 10,000 hours or more at practice and repetition making what seems "natural" the result of a lot of serious hard work Have you ever been asked a question in a job interview "what's your talent or what skills do you bring to the table?" In a job setting it's easy to rattle off a list of work related stuff...I can type, proficient in Excel, I can stay awake when the 2 o'clock coma is settling in, and Ooh! I'm getting really good at the sternly worded email, etc.
Outside of work that question isn't so easy...for me at least. I'd stumble and mumble through it and think to myself, "I can play a mean radio," or "I'm almost up to level 400 on Cookie Jam." Or maybe I do have a talent, a recently discovered one that I've become really, really good at: I AM MAN REPELLANT. After all it takes lots and lots of talent to remain an unmarried, still single STRAIGHT woman for 44 years. Look around. Everyone I know personally and even here in this little blogosphere is married. You're saying "well not necessarily happily" but still you've managed to do something like commit yourself in a relationship over a long period of time and that's something I haven't done. Nor have I come close to one in a really long time.
I know I'm coming across as bitter but I've recently had an experience that certainly left a bitter taste in my mouth. I met a guy online. It had been quite sometime since I'd felt this excited over meeting anyone. We did the fast and furious texting, the picture exchange went well, he looked really great on paper. And that's all it was...good on paper. Sure enough we met, spent a really great (I thought) afternoon and evening together and before he had even shut the door behind me he already knew he was never going to see me again.
The fade began immediately. He texted "OK, GN" in response to the "I got home safe" text. Then at work the next day we were both extremely busy..no surprise there. I quite simply don't have time to look at my phone during the day anymore either. But when I said "hi" I got crickets for days . OK so he hit it and quit it. I'm no stranger to the strategy and ashamedly have used it myself But this one hurt. I felt so used and yeah bitter. Somehow this guy got in and I'm more angry at myself than at him.
(An aside here...as a favor for friend Rob who's asked for a few details about the actual hook up. I met him on a site where conversations tend to get to the sexy flirty stage faster than say Match or E-Harmony. Fingers and clothes were flying across the screen very quickly and very soon those naughty pics were exchanged. We sexted for hours so much so I wore him out...he didn't wake up until 1pm the next day!!! And that was just the virtual sex!!! After he did wake up I was invited down to watch "football" (soccer of course...guy is an ex-pat Brit) and I got on the road. For once I wasn't nervous...I had such a good feeling about this guy!! We met at the bar and had a few drinks, enjoying the game, laughing and flirting, and hands roaming a little. Moved onto dinner and did a little cruise about town before heading to his place.
The makeout session on the sofa was brief but hot and nipples were pinched and sucked and bulges rubbed through clothing and I was being pushed to my knees in front of him and asked to perform one of my natural talents (wink, wink) pretty quickly. This guy was hard!!! Pretty soon I was pushed to my back and we were fucking like crazy. (Another aside...I think I finally managed to figure out woman on top!) As you can imagine it was over pretty quickly and we were a sweaty pool on the carpet before we knew it. Not too shabby for the first time and I was already anticipating a hot summer of steamy sex.....)
Well yeah, you already know how that turned out. I know I've wandered into TL:DR territory here but I just needed to get this rant out. "This is just a temporary glitch", "don't let it get you down", "it's not you it's him" have already been uttered over and over (thanks Rob for hearing me out yet again!) I've got a ways to go yet to get my head right again and this post is part of it.
Please, please any young or not-so-young guys (if anyone still reads here) who are online or meeting ladies...DON'T BE THIS GUY!! If you want to know why women are cray cray---it's this type of behavior from men that we see Every.Single.Day. With the nature of online dating and just the technology that's available now, it's all too easy to forget that a pic and words on a screen have a real live breathing human being on the other side.
My goal by going on the site wasn't to find just a hook-up. I just wanted to find someone to go out with so I'm not stuck on the sofa this summer watching Big Bang reruns every Saturday night! I thought this guy could be it . He looked like fun and we had a blast texting. I did finally hear from him this week: the ex creating drama, yadda yadda, didn't mean to hurt you blah blah all the excuses (and I'm sure they are valid to him). But we all know the truth: if you want to be with someone, you find a way. My response to him: Noted and understood, get your shit together and give me a call maybe, otherwise have a nice life.
On a more personal note: I'VE MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH!! I hate that I don't have time to write or hardly read anymore. But on certain weekends I have time for an orgy (sometimes literally...lol) of reading all your wonderful blogs. Thankfully some of you are around and still IM me on occasion so I haven't quite fell out of touch.
As stated work is going well. It is incredibly busy and stressful lately, however. How do we all work so damn hard and still just have SO much to do is just beyond me! But redemption is nigh! As of this day next week my ass and toes will be planted in the sand with a drink firmly in hand! My living arrangements haven't changed although I'm trying desperately and a serious search will begin when I get back from the beach.
As for any other adventures beyond the above--there have been a few. Alan (1st AM guy) is still around. I still chat with the WV Guy. And then there's Rob...we still text and talk although not nearly as frequently as we used to...but we have future plans that could lead to some really excellent shenanigans. :) We'll just have to wait and see!!!! I hope everyone is well and I hope you are having an excellent summer!