The F Word

NO!!  Not that one.  The REALLY bad one (at least in my mind) was Forty.  The big 4-0.  Yes, yes I know.  Age is just a number, it's all in how you feel and for sure it's better than the alternative.  But I struggled with it.  It was the end of my 30's and in my mind, it felt like the end of my youth. 

It was 2011.  I had been out of work for 18 months (I live in a really depressed area).  I lost my house to foreclosure.  I had to move back in with my Mom.  And there it was.  I was the stereotype...a near 40 yr old living in her mother's basement.  My worst nightmare.  Except it was worse than that.  I had let my weight balloon to near 250 lbs.  (YIKES..I know!)  So I was a fat, sluggish, almost 40 yr old living in her mother's basement.  Needless to say I had zero self-esteem and faced with this milestone coming up I knew something had to change. 

I couldn't change the number so I changed me.  I eventually landed a job and was blessed to work with some great people, have a terrific mentor and make some very good friends.  Oh and I lost the weight...I lost 80 lbs in less than a year.  YAY ME!  It was an epiphany. 

Suddenly I wasn't invisible anymore.  People would look me in the eye.  I could actually shop WITH my friends in the same department.  I even noticed men's heads turning when I walked by.  (yes, it's an ego boost no matter what we women say).  I no longer looked down when I walked and held my head up to meet people's smiles.  I grew some confidence and people noticed.  I felt like a different person when 41 rolled around.  I didn't hide from that birthday, I celebrated it.  

Yes, age really is just a number.  My 40th year wound up being one of the most fun years of my life.  I met new people, made new friends-online and in real life.   I got out of the basement and began living again.  It's been a blast and I have lots to look forward to.