Monday, June 30, 2014

Too Much?

I think about sex A LOT.  I mean like ALL THE TIME.  When I get up in the morning, I run to my tablet to read all your wonderful blogs, check out Tumblr, check my email at all my various addresses to see if I got a message from the hot new guy.  When I get home from work, the same thing.  When I'm not reading blogs, I'm reading sex forums (ourhotwives.org, etc).  I'm constantly in chat rooms talking with guys at night. (sexy chat, anyone?)  Usually it's the same 2 or 3 guys that I've been chatting with for awhile...or the hot new guy  They aren't geographically close and we are actually "friends".  I talk with other bloggers on occasion too and I really enjoy those relationships.  And poor Rob gets constantly bombarded by my thoughts during the day (not just about sex but any mundane thing I think of...sorry hun).

Is it because I'm single and not getting any regularly?  Is it just the hormonal "sexual peak" that supposedly hits women in their 40's?  What is it?  Maybe I'm just super horny because it's been awhile (4 months..eek!!) But when I do get some, I find I want it even MORE.  I never seem to be satisfied.  I'm a nympho-wannabe. I use discretion and I'm NOT just going to pick up anyone.  I have standards and they are good ones. I'm never going to be the girl sitting at the bar alone just looking to pick up anyone that walks by.  I'm absolutely positive that I could get laid every night if I wanted that.  

This can't be "normal"-- whatever that is.  I feel like a horny 17 year old boy.  Is this a sexual addiction?  I'm not acting on it.  But am I a sex addict of a sort?  Does everyone (in the sex blogosphere?  I know the real world doesn't do this) think about sex this much?  I mean this isn't interrupting my work or other aspects of my life.  I do my job and do it well.  But even there Sex is never far off my brain!  I masturbate regularly and that does ease some of the "pressure". Is this a result of living in a sexually repressed (Bible belt) culture yet constantly being bombarded with sexual imagery?

I didn't use to be like this.  In fact some of my friends thought I was a total prude.  This has been a relatively recent development.  Honestly, it started 2 years ago..so not that recent.  I was always curious and positive about sex and enjoyed it, of course.  But now it's constantly on my mind.  Is this a result of my gaining self-confidence and just feeling more sexual and sexy?  In the real world, I don't seem to attract men that easily (and I don't know why) but online I'm a superstar (in my mind).

Maybe I'm overthinking this (duh..I overthink everything!).  I'm sure a lot of men are thinking "gee, why can't my wife be like this?" and women too with their husbands.  I would really like some feedback on this.  I would love to hear any insight or your feelings or remarks on this in the comments.  I'm beginning to think I need some serious help.  And a good hard fuck!    

EDIT: After I wrote this, I realized this is posting on my one year anniversary.  I'm kind of glad.  I put a lot of thought into this post and finally was able to write coherently about it.  I do have a "celebration" post planned later in the week.  Thanks in advance for any comments, questions, etc.  Oh and if you want to email me, feel free to do that too.

3 comments:

  1. First off, I don't believe in sexual addiction per se (and Dan Savage backs me up on that). I do think it is easy to make bad choices, but why is thinking about sex all the time a bad choice if it isn't preventing you from doing your job, living life, etc?

    The fact that you aren't having a lot of sex just proves that you aren't willing to lower your standards. Face it, if it was simply an issue of having a wiener thrusting inside you, you could walk into any bar and simply get on the Karaoke mic and announce: Free pussy to all takers! Or something similar. Go to any hotel bar where there are businessmen on the road, and someone is just waiting for you to make their night.

    I think the real answer is that all these blogs and Tumblr and such are fun. If you were glued to the TV every night watching episode after episode of the crap they put on TV, nobody would say a thing. But you spend a few hours reading people's intimate thoughts about their personal lives with an opportunity to interact (leave comments) and see real images of them at their most personal moments, and somehow society has convinced you you are being naughty.

    I honestly would trade all of my TV time for Internet porn blog time. My time spent gawking at nekkid pics is far less than the time I spend reading other people's blogs, and I see that no different than when our parents sat down with one of those big thick novels with Fabio on the cover.

    Finally, seriously, if you want to get laid (no strings) my money is on a hotel bar frequented by businessmen waiting for you to show up.

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  2. I think about it all the time, too. It's like a low-hum at the back of my brain and it's constantly there. I don't think it's a factor of whether or not you are consistently getting any at the moment. When we are at it like rabbits or kind of taking a breather (and I have decided that we need those "breathers" just as much as we need to be rabbits - it is hard to stay continuously interested in a spouse for 18 years), I still think about it and want it.

    But it also didn't kick in for me until a couple of years ago, too. Before that, I could take it or leave. Now sex is essential.

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  3. You sound like a healthy adult woman! It's great that you can think these thoughts and act on them now and then. I hope you get action soon!

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