Nevermind

I found the cure for thinking about sex "too" much.  WATERPARKS!!!!!  All you think about there is death, torture and destruction.  Yours and everyone else's.  Screaming kids, yelling parents (and I'm ashamed to say I was one of them during an "episode" with my niece), kids pushing you out of their way.  Worse--adults pushing you out of the way.  Rowdy, stupid teenagers roughhousing in the wave pool and the list could go on and on.

But certainly not my kids(niece and nephew)...they were perfect little devils....ummmm angels.  (To their extreme credit, they uttered not a word on the way home while I was navigating Waterpark City's rush hour traffic.) The incidents passed and everyone had a great time while enjoying perfect weather--84 and sunny..when it was forecast to be in the 90's today!  I texted Rob that I was "gonna need a carton of cigarettes and a gallon of vodka when I got home....lol"   All in all, it turned out well.  Good start to the vacation.  One good thing, kids exhausted and in bed BEFORE 8 o'clock.

P.S.  My preferred mode of transportation: lazy river!

P.P.S.  Thank you very much for your thoughts on my post today.  A lot of you contacted me off the blog to let me know that apparently I'm "normal.  Ha!  What the hell do y'all know!?  LOL.  Again thanks so much.

Too Much?

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A Cool Change

Tomorrow is a pretty big day at ye olde Simple N Sexy blog.  So I thought I would take the time and do a little redecorating so to speak.  I never was thrilled with the original template but it worked.  This one feels more like me.  I like it. A lot!

Last week was unreal.  By Friday afternoon I honestly thought my head would explode.  I don't recall a time I had so many positive and negative thoughts going on all at once.  I was (and am still) a jumbled mess of emo!  Thankfully I am on vacation all next week and will have time to gather my thoughts.  I've done a lot of writing this weekend and that always helps.

I also want to say how very happy I am for Rob and his latest adventure.  I was very shocked to receive his text the other night.  And then I was very pissed when he teased me..lol.  He really had no idea how close to death he was!  I was thrilled when he agreed to call and talk it out with me.  It was wonderful to hear his voice.  I'm so glad this was such a positive experience for him.

The "Shaping Up" plan is going well.  I'm down 8lbs now and only 2 away from my 4th of July goal of losing 10.  It's good to know that I've done it before and I WILL do it again!  Losing weight, I mean.   It's funny once I get my head straight and get determined, the weight seems to fall off.  Getting my head straight is the hardest part by far.

I'm working hard for this body and it's way past time to put it to good use!  And I may have the chance this week while I'm off.  I've mentioned briefly that I've been chatting with a hot new guy.  (For some reason I'm having a hard time thinking of a name for him here so I think I'm going with HNG).  He is very attractive and has opened the door to a very titillating possibility.   I hope we get the chance to meet.  So far its been fun and very hot.

Well, I'm off to the pool.  Hope you're having as good a weekend as I am!

And she walks off singing "Vacation's all I ever wanted.  Vacation have to get away!"

Are They Better?

The other day Rob and I were chatting and realized that next week would be the 1 year anniversary of our 1st hookup.  We both then began reading back in our blogs recalling fond memories (ummmm bent over a chair in the office..being fucked from behind..sorry got distracted).  This led to what I thought was a pretty hilarious chat.  I thought it was funny and I hope it doesn't turn out to be an "I guess you had to be there" post.  As an aside Rob and I are no longer hooking up but remain good friends.

Rob: Oh I checked my blog...our first date was July 8 last year.

Me: Wow. A year ago.

Rob: Yep, hehe

Me: OK now I gotta go read both our posts again...lol.

Rob: I'm re-reading a bunch of mine from last summer, lol.

Me: That was a good summer :)

Rob: Yep :)

(a little later on) Me: OK I gotta stop reading blog posts and looking at your pix.  Otherwise I might drive to xyz and attack!  lol

Rob: Rofl

Me: Plus someone gave me cucumbers and they're sitting on my desk...And all I can think is "are cucumbers better than men?" Lmao!!

Rob: Now there's a picture I'm getting in my head...you with a cucumber :D

(a little while later I text him back after driving to my Mom's for lunch--giggling all the way)

Me: I'm not fucking a cucumber and sending you pix!  Lol  Altho one is kind of girthy...and the other has the gspot curve...lol

Me: I just keep picturing getting busted and my Mom saying "eat your veggies..don't fuck em" lol

Rob: Rofl..no reason you can't do both.

(Pic sent of the cukes--actual one is above)

Later that night I went back to my Mom's for dinner and of course I had given the cukes to her.  We had lasagna and a salad.  I was giggling again when I asked my Mom to "Pass the cucumbers, please."

Hope you enjoyed the little anecdote as much as I did.
*******
I thought I'd give a little update too about a few things.  The "getting in shape" finally seems to be paying off. I've lost 5 lbs and I've been walking just about every night for a few miles.  I know I've lost inches and my clothes are fitting looser. I just wish I was seeing more results on the scale.  But I'm not getting discouraged and I'm pretty determined to knock off those pounds.

Plus I have some pretty good inspiration to keep working out.  I've been chatting with the hottest guy the last few days.  I'm pretty excited about it.  Dontcha love NRE!! He's not in my town but fairly close by.  Close enough that we can meet in the middle anyway.  Next week I am on vacation but not going out of town so this means we are working hard on setting something up.  I set myself a goal next week.  To get laid or die trying!  Of course, I'll proceed with caution and the usual safety arrangements (meet in public, text a friend, etc).  It's the 4th of July and I need some fireworks!!

Toes in the Sand

First and foremost let me wish all the blog fathers out there a very Happy Father's Day!   I miss my Dad very much.  He looked so big and tough but was a total teddy bear...he had such a tender heart.  Love and miss ya so much!

This will be kind of a "random thoughts" post.  I know I haven't written much lately but it's been so crazy since I went back to work.  I seem to have a life again!  :)

> I had so much fun at the beach!  It was a family trip so no shenanigans as expected.  It was very relaxing and I definitely enjoyed all the eye candy on the beach.  There was the usual assortment of hot 20-somethings but I found my eye was still drawn to the late-30s-early-50 something MEN.  They are just so hot, confident and super SEXY!

>OMG..it is imPOSSIBLE to get a bottle of vodka in MB after 7pm on Sat nite....wtf!!!

>Normally I'm so sad leaving the ocean but this time..I will be HOME ALONE for 4 nights!  Peace and quiet at last.  I love, love, love  the Brown Eyed Girl (niece) and my Lil Man (nephew) but just gimme a break!


> On other fronts it's been kind of a bad week.  A trip I was very much anticipating didn't happen.  I got the brush off from 2 other guys.  And rt now I hope I get laid again!  Eek!  I know it's usually feast or famine but this dry spell seems especially long!

> I totally need a spa day.  Hair cut & colored.  Nails & toes done.  Full body massage.  I really want Crash from Bull Durham to tie me to the bed and paint my nails...ooh and shave me bare :).

> I went to the pool today and there was actual eye candy!  I found myself staring at this one hot guy.  Fit, bald but owning it..shaved..I love that!, tan , big broad shoulders, trim waist.   His GF was there..but I think he might be the picture of my fantasies for a bit.

OK enough randomness.  For the record.I'm horny and need to get laid!  Soonest!  HELP!

Cruisin' On Ocean Boulevard

That will be me this weekend.  Well honestly probably not.  But I WILL be in Myrtle Beach!  I can't wait.  I definitely need a road trip.  Recently Ryan Beaumont of AM Adventures et al and his friend Victoria posted their "visitors guide" and I highly recommend you check it out.  I've been to a lot of those places and they are all great.  This will be a family trip for me so I do not expect to have any amorous misadventures but I can still look at all the eye candy.

People watching at the beach is so much fun!  I get my Cosmo magazine and park my sunglasses just above the top and watch to my heart's content.  Plus everyone else around me is doing the same and it's so fun to hear that everyone else is thinking the same thing I am.  "Why the hell is a 400lb woman wearing a bikini on the beach?"  Yes I know that's so bad and judgmental but I can be a snarky bitch.  And yeah the guys still wearing the Speedo "banana slings" just ew in my little humble opinion.  And why do they always have a hairy back!!  But then the 20-something hottie walks by kicking a soccer ball and you can literally see all the women on the beach sit up a little straighter. It's even more fun watching the men and their wives when the barely legal girls stroll thru.  He's trying hard to avoid drooling and his wife is fuming at him.

My family has been going to Myrtle Beach since I was 13.  Ryan is quite right when he states that it is a "rite of passage" for the kids of our area to go there and sow some wild oats.  Thankfully I grew up in the pre-cell phone/social media/YouTube age or I fear quite a few of my beach exploits would be exposed.  My most memorable trip saw me off from home perfectly healthy and 3 days later I was coming home in 2 casts following an operation.  A car wreck.  Ironically exactly 10 years later on the very same day I was involved in yet another accident..you guessed it..on my way to Myrtle Beach.

MB is touristy, over-crowded, expensive and traffic-filled during the summer but still I love it.  I have so many wonderful memories there.  I was sitting on the deck of my oceanfront room with the bright light of a full moon shining in, the night I signed the contract to buy my 1st house.  I remember settling back in my chair, toasting the moon and feeling like a grown up for the 1st time.  I think all I need is an ocean to make me happy.

Find Me

I absolutely love this.  Yes please.  Someone come find me.