Depression is a funny thing. It sneaks up on you (well me) so quickly and I often don't realize how down I am until I'm up again. I know I have been very depressed the last 4 months. I don't want to leave my house and just want to crawl up in a little ball. But then something will happen and I'll be high for a few hours..like a call about a job interview. Then my brain kicks in with the overanalyzing and I inevitably wind up disappointed. The crash is even harder and I wind up lower than before. So then I try to not get so excited when something positive does happen and then I just don't get emotional about anything. You're just in a trance. It's weird.
Today I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of me. I was so stressed that my body is actually a little sore from how tight I was holding myself in control. Everything is so much more relaxed now. My shoulders are back in their normal position and not clinched in a ball around my ears. While I know it will be a big adjustment re-entering the workforce and it won't solve all my problems, I am just so happy right now. And then I get news that my friend Jamie is moving away..farther away. So now I'm back down a little bit but happy for him too.
I'm so grateful again to all of my friends for hanging in with me. I tried very hard not to bitch & moan too much about it here and I know the blog was quiet for awhile. Things are definitely looking up. Summer is coming and I love it after being cooped up all winter. The flowers are blooming, everything is getting green and the smell of burgers on the grill is in the air (yum!). This is going to be a great summer!!! I can just tell.