FFF-3/13-Nice Tie

Word Limit: 200
Word Bonus: +10, per inch, of the biggest cock you've ever handled
Required Word: Suit
Forbidden Words: Penis, Cock, Prick, Dick, Dork, Dong, Pecker, Johnson, Wang, Elvis
Extra Credit: What does he do for a living?


Mmm..I admit I'm completely mesmerized by this week's prompt.  [Smack..snap out of it!]  It reminded me of  a previous entry.  Time to tell her side.
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Brenda walked quickly to the elevator, her heels clicking loudly on the lobby's marble....Fuck she was late again. David sweetly held the door for her and then he shyly stepped to the back.  She looked over her shoulder to say thanks but he was avoiding her gaze as usual.  Disappointed she watched the floor lights too and hurried quickly to her cubicle.

Her asshole boss berated her because she didnt have time to get his venti half caf, double shot expresso.  WTF ever!  She made her way to the breakroom and ran into David's assistant, Kathy.   She tried not to be too  obvious when she asked how he was.  She completely missed Kathy's vent about David asking for Pfizer's number. She poured her boss a cup of decaf horsepiss and helped herself to the delectable French Vanilla cappucino

She relaxed against the counter and thought of David.  He was so nice.  Such a gentleman. She, of course, knew he had a crush on her. It was sweet!  And nice. And therein lied the problem.  The whole nice guy thing.  He was such a bad ass litigator in court, but went all googly-eyed at the sight of her.  Why couldn't he nail her on the stand like that!

She delivered the coffee to her boss and settled in for the day.  But she couldn't keep her mind off David.  When he walked by earlier, she completely embarassed herself when she not only knocked over rhe pencil holder but the phone off the hook during the partner's conference call.  She caught him looking down her blouse but still he said nothing.

Retreating to the restroom, she tried to think what she could do.  It was technically "wrong" to top from the bottom but she was desperate.  All she could imagine today was his hard outline in his suit pants.  Quickly she typed the note and bribed Kathy with a steak lunch next week to slip it into his briefcase.  She was a nervous wreck the rest of the day.

She approached the elevator at the end of the day holding her breath in anticipation.  He wasn't there.  She hemmed and hawed for 25 minutes but still nothing.  When the elevator dinged again and opened, she stepped in.  Suddenly she heard a voice call out "Hold the door!"  She did and suddenly he was there!  He thanked her and grasped her chin whispering, "Good Girl"  before he backed her into the corner.

"I got your note."


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Im bad because i havent been using my wordcounter lately...oops.  I will cop to the biggest ive had as 9 in.  But again it isnt the dick, but the mind and guy its attached to.

Happy FFF peeps.  Head on over to Thomas' place to read the other delightful takes.

Virtual

Im so horny right now!  I absolutely know that nothing takes the place of skin-on-skin.  But there are times when you can't sink your teeth in or lick the head of his cock or feel him plunge in deep and hard... then phone, Skype or IM (chat) sex can somewhat satisfy that urge.  And OMG tonite was one of the hottest virtual sessions ever!!  

Some Randomness

Ok i promised myself I wouldnt blog drunk..but tonight what the hell...

1.  I really, really want to go to Belgium for a chocolate massage.  Right NOW!!  And listen to "Stray Cat Strut"

2.  How the hell can a plane just disappear in 2014!!

3.  Im glad a certain friend likes paisley!  (Purple and white)

4.  I really like cock rings....sooooo sexy.

5.  The FFF prompt is REALLY hot this week and for tha ladies.

6. I totally have a crush on a blogger down south somewhere.


So that's probably enough info to get me in some trouble tonight...lol.

FFF-3/7-Captured

Word Limit: 400
Bonus Words: +100 if she can kick ass.
Required Phrase: "Hell hath no fury..."
Forbidden Word: Kryptonite
Extra Credit: Give someone a cheesy accent.

Please head over to see the fabulous Tom at Three Spelling Mistakes for all the wonderful entries this week.  









Ralph and Carl stumbled through the woods.  They were both looking around nervously, jumping at every rustle of the leaves.  They were checking their trap line as they did most nights. However, they always got nervous in the area around The Stones.  Both of them had grown up hearing the legends and tales.  People appearing and vanishing, bodies lying within the confines of The Stones.  

The traps were all empty tonight and the guys were getting bored.  They pulled out their flasks and took sips to keep them warm.  They were about to turn for home when they heard the whimpering of a wounded animal coming from the direction of the granite circle.  They each took a deep draft before turning to dare each other to approach the trap they had set there.  

"Well shit, let's just go check it out, Carl," Ralph said faking bravery.  

Carl's voice shook as he whispered, "Fine.  I'll just follow you.  I got your six".

They crashed stealthily through the brush.  The full moon was hidden by the clouds obscuring their vision.  They didnt see their caught prey at first.  Then they heard the struggle of the wounded animal again.  They cautiously approached the trap.  Suddenly the light from the moon above broke through the cloud cover.

"OMG! HOLY HELL!!"

"FUCK!  GODDAMN!!"

The guys clung to each other in terror.  They could scarce believe their eyes at the prey they had trapped.  It was a woman.  A NAKED woman.  

"Oh shit we've caught her!  Now what, Ralph?  It's the Banshee!"  

Carl brazenly approached her .  As he reached his hand between the bars of the trap, the first low rumblings calling his demise began within her.  

At first she cringed when she saw them.. She panicked and wailed discordantly.  She cringed and fought valiantly to get away.  She was embarassed as they laughed and snickered at her state of undress.  They didn't know her or her tribe or their terrible purpose.  The bansidhe were always misunderstood as the mourners and the keeners of death.  No one ever paid attention to their subliminal warnings.  You know, the hair that stands up on the back of your neck.

Such was the case with Carl and Ralph.  She could see The Alpha approach.  Her wailing and keening grew higher and higher.  They ran but it was too late.  They had dared to trap The Alpha's beloved .  

"Hell Hath No Fury" read the headlines when Ralph and Carl's remains were found three days later.  

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There seemed to be something primal about the picture.  I really hope the story made sense. Yesterday I woke up and my face was swollen to the size of a bowling ball with a sinus infection.  I got some "good" drugs at the doc yesterday.  Whee!  Happy TGIFFF.  Stay safe yall
  

Trainwreck Ahead

I've been documenting a little of my journey on the dating site OK Cupid.  Honestly, there hasn't been a lot to document.  I've been chatting with exactly one guy on Y Messenger and that's it so far.  However, when perusing profiles the other night I came across this sweetheart of a guy.  I simply do NOT understand why no pretty young thing has not dragged this guy to the altar yet.  Not to marry.  But to sacrifice him to the gods of "How Not to Online Date."

Consider this your warning:  Trainwreck ahead!

"Online dating sites are like granola ... take away the fruits and the nuts, and all that's left are the flakes.

If this site is so fucking great, then why do I keep seeing the same people here, year after fruitless year? You'd think that they would have met someone by now and gotten off this insipidly vacuous site. Give it time ... they'll realize eventually, as I have, that this is a frustrating and completely futile endeavor. Looking for love online is a lot like digging for diamonds in a sewer. You might get lucky, but your odds of finding one are near zero, and in the meantime, you have to wade through an endless sea of shit.

So right about now, you're saying "if you hate this site so much, then why are you even here?"

Yes!  That's exactly what I'm wondering.  But please explain.

 I'm here because I would like to know if anyone shares my revulsion for this site and others like it. It would be very comforting to know that I am not alone in my defeated, pessimistic attitude toward online dating. Just so you know, I didn't arrive at this opinion overnight. Over the years, I have learned that the women I like won't look at me twice, and the women who like me are completely unappealing to me. And if by some miracle I do happen to make a connection with someone I find attractive, invariably one of three things happens: a) she has "too much going on right now" and doesn't have time to meet (the lamest, most transparent excuse in the world; if you don't have time to date, what are you doing on a dating site?), b) she turns out to have more issues than National Geographic, or c) she offers me the trifecta of dating rejection: she tells me that I'm a "nice guy", but she's "just not feeling it" and wants to be "just friends".

I keep hearing women say that they want a "nice guy", and all the women I know tell me that I am a nice guy (as well as being sweet, funny, intelligent, kind, honest, romantic, and all those other great qualities that women always say they want in a man), but after many years in the online dating arena, I have learned that being a "nice guy" doesn't mean shit. Nice guys really DO finish last. Clearly the women here are more materialistic, whether they will admit it or not. Being nice isn’t enough. They obviously want a man with something more, like a big house, a Mercedes, a job paying $100K a year, or a physique and good looks that would make George Clooney jealous. I don't have the house, the car or the money, but I always thought that physically, I was at least halfway decent. I know I'll never be on the cover of GQ, but I'm better than some, not as good as others. However, after years of optimism being continually rewarded with rejection -- or worse, being casually and unceremoniously ignored -- I know now that I am completely unattractive to attractive women.

I'm absolutely certain, your unattractiveness to attractive women has NOTHING to do with your attitude.  He went on to say that he found that younger women don't ask to meet a nice guy but that 30-40 yr old women do because of years of being treated like shit by their husbands/boyfriends. However, his rant still isn't over.

So what it comes down to is this: given my aforementioned lack of material assets (no big house, no fancy car, no $100K job, and being obviously less than average-looking), coupled with the staggering abundance of women out there who have been irreparably fucked up by men, I have come to two immutable conclusions: 1) I have absolutely nothing to offer a woman, and no woman here or anywhere else will ever want me, and 2) there are apparently no women out there worth meeting anyway. In light of this humbling double epiphany, I have totally, absolutely and without reservation, given up.

When you get hit by the train enough times, you learn to stay off the tracks. (I give him a little credit here.  At least the guy knows he's a wreck!)

Oh and the piece de resistance:

What I’m doing with my life
Jacking off.

I’m really good at
Jacking off.

The first things people usually notice about me
My right arm is a lot stronger than my left.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Jacking off.

On a typical Friday night I am
Jacking off.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I jack off a lot.

AND SOME OF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I'M STILL SINGLE!!!

FFF-VDay Edition

Word Limit: 100
Word Bonus: +100 for every time you've had your heart broken.
Required Word: Truth
Forbidden Word: Love
Extra Credit: Tell us your Valentine's Day plans!











"OMG!   I can't take this anymore!  I have got to get out of here!" Ella said pacing.

"No one is going to show for our fabulous 'All The Single Ladies Nite' party on Valentine's anyway. Not with all this snow.  Let's just go to the bar," she whined.  

Her roommate whooped and shouted "Let's go!"

They were greeted enthusiastically at the bar by the regulars and had shots in front of them before they even sat down.  They felt the music in their blood and hit the dance floor.  Neither of the ladies was lacking for a dance partner that night.  Despite the constant flow of hotties before them, their eyes followed each other gyrating on the floor that night.

They finally collapsed in their barstools.  The barkeep caught the signal and called a cab for them as they settled the tab.  "Only 10 bucks and we drank all night!" they high-fived and giggled as they stumbled out.  The poor cabbie tolerated their drunken shouted rendition of Beyonce on the way to the apartment.  

Stumbling in the door, they tumbled in a heap on the sofa.  

"I thought for sure you'd be going home with Kevin tonight finally," Emma told Colleen.  

"Oh he'll be back for sure," Colleen said.  "But truthfully I'm exactly where I want to be tonight," she whispered as she drew the soft pink lips down to meet hers.

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I went a little different direction than I would normally take for a Valentine's Day story.  But that is the fun of FFF!  Pushing boundaries with a limited amount of words.  The extra 100+ words were earned by the number of heartbreaks you've had.  I went over by 100 and it could have easily been a 1000.  The one I still remember the most (and quite honestly will never get over) was the break up of my engagement.  Alas that's a story for another day.  

Hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day with your loved ones.  

A Good Start

Hi there.  Well, I got my profile set up on OKC finally.  Honestly, I got off to a slow start but I did get a picture posted pretty quickly.  Unbelievably I seem to have made a pretty good connection with just a picture.  He sent a very nice message and made it clear he's looking for someone to spend his life with.  Gulp.  Admittedly, I am a commitment-phobe.  I have nothing to lose so no need to feel that tiny little frisson of fear (my little pep talk moment, there).

So far we have moved to Yahoo Messenger and have begun the process of getting to know each other.  I have had to remind myself this is NOT like chatting with a man you meet on AM.  Chat tends to heat up very quickly with the men I've met there. Which is fine.  That's why we are on that site.  OKC is a more "traditional" site although there are options for the "married but looking" set and more casual encounters.

He likes sports, football especially and actually likes the same team as me!  Bonus!  He has a teenage daughter with whom he has a terrific relationship.  Thankfully he likes to cook as I cannot. At least not well.  He has a good sense of humor and seems to get mine.  He does live a bit further away than I would prefer but he says he is willing to travel to meet the right person.  Last night we exchanged phone numbers but it was a bit too late to call.  He is a night owl!  So that seems like a good beginning to me.  Will keep ya posted.